


uh oh spaghetti os

by americangothic



Category: im not tagging all of these
Genre: Gen, lads im fuckin terrified of my raw creative potential, people die so be on the look out for that
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-14
Updated: 2018-01-14
Packaged: 2019-03-04 17:02:15
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,134
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13369176
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/americangothic/pseuds/americangothic
Summary: its 2018 and i write whatever the fuck i want





	uh oh spaghetti os

**Author's Note:**

> hi this is based off a hunger games simulator i did instead of my homework that took me 3 hours to turn into a fic

Lloyd knocks on the wall of the plastic tube next to him. Kai looks over, the classic  _ what do you want I'm kinda stressed _ look on his face.

“I'm scared,” Lloyd says. His voice echoes in his close surroundings. It didn’t help that something resembling a baby was in the tube next to him, rapidly changing shape and seeming to lose structural integrity at points. Kai nods. “Me too,” he responds. He would've said something else, but then the tubes began rising.

Lloyd emerges in a circle of other- other  _ contestants _ , as the mysterious voice had called them. They were all in tubes, surrounding each other in what looked like a circle of 20- 23- 24 tubes, including Lloyd. He spots Kai, the weird baby thing, Batman, a few penguins, an entire satellite (?), a weird grey troll, God, and some puffball-looking things, among other creatures.

To say the least, Lloyd is scared.

The countdown begins, and Lloyd notices that there’s a gleaming silver bowl in the center of the circle. It’s piled high with weapons and supplies, as well as things like backpacks or food spilling out and around it.

The timer reaches five seconds. The glass doors slide up, and Lloyd realizes he could step out of his tube. Next to him, the baby flips upright and claps its hands together. Lloyd waits until the timer reaches zero before darting forward and spinning, doing a 180 to see a large forest behind him.

He races forward, ignoring the commotion happening behind him.

* * *

Jet Pack Guy picks up a sword, feeling its weight in his flippers. He came as close to a grin as he could get- the last time he smiled was days ago, before this nightmare had started and he was just an agent. Then again, when had he ever been  _ just _ an agent? He was Jet Pack Guy, the best agent around. His jet pack had become part of his  _ name _ , for Pete’s sake. He didn't actually have it right now, unfortunately, but-

Guy’s shocked out of his thoughts by an explosion behind him. He remembers where he is and turns to face the source of the blast, seeing only shocked faces and retreating backs. The tattered green scraps of fabric float down through the air, one draping itself over Guy’s head.

“Oh my god,” someone exclaims. “Did that baby just explode?” The agent sucks in a breath and turns away again.

Jet Pack Guy grabs a sheath from the ground, belts it around his waist, and runs.

* * *

”Do it,” the child’s high voice filters through Sharpay’s distressed ears. “Or I'll kill you.” She heard a click of a gun and knew the kid wasn't joking.

Sharpay slowly picks up the dagger beside her, looking at her options. She could stab Robin, who was holding her at gunpoint. Or she could pick one of two subjects, both kneeling on the ground defenselessly.

Sportacus doesn't look up at her as she moves past him. Sharpay hears him swallow, and feels the guilty weight of her conscience pressing on her for what she was about to do. Putting the blade to God’s neck, she looks him in the eyes. 

“You died because of my sins,” she whispers, voice breaking. God’s eyes widen slightly before his head topples to the ground and wine spurted out of his torso, coating Sharpay and Sportacus.

* * *

Meta Knight glares at the yellow circle standing in front of him. 

There's a minute-long staredown.

He eventually reluctantly pulls out a roll of bandages, and Gene grins, limping over to sit beside the knight.

Both of them block out the sound of a twink in a glittery pink hat yelling as the green ninja suffocated him.

* * *

The spaceman pokes Robbie’s shoulder for the third time in as many minutes. “Do you think I could build a spaceship out of these rocks?” he asks, pointing to the pebbles coating the bottom of the cave they were camped in. 

“ _ No _ , Bemmy. I think you should go to sleep and have your silly dreams about spaceships or whatever it is you astronauts do.” Robbie responds as he stared at the fire. “I have other, more important things to think about.”

“It's Benny,” the insufferable spaceman says cheerfully. “And what are you thinking about?”

Robbie glares at him. “I have people I care about in this arena, Penny."

“Me too,” Benny says, and the villain is surprised to hear the excited tone drop away for a second. It comes back a moment later with renewed vigor, though. “I hope whoever it is you're thinking about makes it out okay!”

Robbie groans and rolls over.

* * *

”Please?” Sharpay asks pitifully, and Guy is reminded for a moment of Dot. They share a lot of qualities, both loving designer fashion and being extremely talented, but Guy shakes his head and refuses to let his sentiment get the best of him.

“But it's  _ coooold _ ,” she whines. “You know,  _ Ryan _ would let me hug him.”

They're both quiet for a moment as they remember the way Jet Pack Guy grabbed Sharpay’s arm and started running away from where her brother's body lay.

Guy moves over to Sharpay, and she leans on his flipper.

* * *

”And then, he fuckin’ goes ‘no homo, Karkles’! Like, if you're gonna flirt with me for nearly three fuckin years before eventually getting married in a new fucking universe, you don't have to be all bro about it, shitstick!” Karkat complains, flinging his arms in the air to emphasize his point.

Kai nodded like he knew what any of that meant. “I see. Well, uh, have you considered that he was raised to be emotionally void and express himself only through irony in an abusive environment and doesn't quite know how to properly date someone without bringing up his past defense mechanisms from years before he knew you?” he asked, making a shot in the dark.

Karkat frowned, poking the fire with a stick. There's a moment of silence in which Kai worries he said the wrong thing.

“You're right, actually,” Karkat mumbles. “I should've thought about that.” 

Kai pats him on the shoulder sympathetically. “It's alright, alien dude. It's alright.”

* * *

Good Cop stumbles through the forest, eyes blurry and unfocused. He lost his glasses a while back, and Bad Cop’s were crushed when he had to jump off a cliff to avoid a group of five menacing looking people who were, unfortunately, still chasing him.  _ G, are you sure you can keep going? _ Bad asks him hesitantly.  _ Yeah. Yeah, I'm fine. _ Good tells him, keeping his hands pressed to the wound in his side slowly oozing blood.

He trips over a tree root and lands flat on his face. 

Bad Cop switched in, rolling over slowly and cursing at the gash in his cheek as it twinged. A sword was pointed at him, on the other side of which he could see a foot-tall masked circular thing. A few Master Builders he recognized only cause of his old SSP days- the green ninja, Spiderman, Batman’s kid- stood behind the puffball thing. Off to the side, an emoji glared at him threateningly. “Great,” he mumbles. “This is how I die.” His words come out as more of a groan. “Sorry, G.”

Blood trickles through the grass, and the cops’ body grows cold.

* * *

Rookie gulps as he brings the blade up to Karkat’s neck, flippers shaking. He squeezes his eyes shut and slices through the flesh. Bright red blood stains his feathers.

“I want to go home,” he whispers later as he rocks back and forth in his makeshift shelter. “I want to go home."

* * *

Lloyd hums as he picks another daisy, tucking it behind his ear. He’s not as uneasy as he was on the first day in the arena; instead, paranoia simply ignores him, it seems.

A penguin runs by in the background, screaming. Kirby is flinging balls of fire at him. All is well.

* * *

Spiderman and Meta Knight close in on the shivering child. “Don't hurt me,” he whimpers. Spiderman pauses and turns to the knight. “Wait- maybe we shouldn't. After all, he's only a kid.” 

“He's killed two people already!” Meta Knight hisses. “Not like you haven't,” Spiderman retorts. “That's- that was different!”

While they’re having their moral discussion, Robin stands up and sprints away as fast as he can. “Hey, wait a minute-" Meta Knight says. Before he can get any further, a satellite falls on them and crushes them both.

“ill stop em with my fuckin uhhh. my sword. il stop this hugeass satellite fallin on me from the sky with my sword itll all be peachy keen" Juice says.

* * *

A package lands in front of Sportacus. He opens it to find a singular apple. There's a note on the side that states he's “extremely fucking vawid". 

“Thanks,” he murmurs, staring at the apple. His crystal has been beeping for days now. The kids don't know what happened to him- he's not sure anyone knows.

Sportacus is a hundred percent sure he's not going to be the one making it out of this tournament.

* * *

Kai stumbles into someone's camp and collapses into tears.

“Woah, dude,” the twink says, hopping out of his hammock and coming over to stare at Kai. “Sad train rollin into station. Toot toot, everybody aboard this miserable motherfucker.”

Eventually, Kai composes himself to stop crying. “So you're the one Karkat was talking about. His, and I quote, ‘twink boyfriend who won't stop calling him dude’.”

“I am a  _ twunk _ , thank you very much,” Dave says offhandedly. He looks over at Kai and creases his eyebrows behind the shades. “Is Karkat okay? How do you know him? What's your name, besides the angst train conductor?”

Kai’s heart plummets. “My name's Kai,” he mumbles. “Karkat’s dead.”

* * *

Kai and Dave wake up from where they had fallen asleep in a pile of tear-stained red gays to find Dave’s campsite ransacked.

“Oh shit,” he mumbles as he surveys the empty clearing. “Looks like I'm boyfriendless and homeless now.”

A Batarang buries itself in his chest, and Dave has enough time to say “Holy fuck, Batman killed me!” before collapsing.

Kai wakes up a few minutes later to see Lloyd dragging a body into the bushes. “Lloyd?” he asks tiredly.

Lloyd scowls, picking up a branch. “Damnit, Kai,” he mutters. “If you had just stayed asleep, I wouldn't have to do this.”

The red ninja is suddenly a lot more red, as well as the surrounding ground. Batman and Lloyd don't drag him into the bushes.

* * *

Wyldstyle stares at the stars, eyes glistening with tears. “If there's one good thing that happened here, it's that you didn't get dragged into it, Emmet,” she whispers.

Kirby nuzzles deeper into her side and she sighs.

* * *

Benny loses track of time.

One day, when he sees a friendly-looking elf dressed as a hero gathering fruit, he asks how long they've been in the arena.

“Your guess is as good as mine, friend,” he responds.

The next day, Batman’s kid kills Benny. He supposes it doesn't matter how long he's been there then, because he obviously didn't have anything afterward.

* * *

On Day 8, the bowl in the middle of the arena is replenished. Kirby darts in long enough to grab the backpack with his name on it and leave again, ignoring the way the others were killing each other. He  _ hates _ killing.

Upon opening the bag, Kirby finds food. He eats it quickly and moves on to the rest of the contents. A water bottle. A letter from Cappytown. Pictures of his friends. 

There's one, a polaroid of him and Meta Knight and Dedede and Bandana Dee, and he doesn't know why he starts crying when he sees it, but he does.

* * *

”This has to stop,” Wyldstyle hisses, staring at Robin. He grins at her, giddy with child-like enthusiasm.

She pulls out her gun and the grin disappears.

A few hours later, Sportacus finds a child in the forest stained with blood. His stomach twists and his crystal won't stop beeping. Wyldstyle is perched in a tree behind him. She cocks the gun.

* * *

Juice sits there, a satellite that doesn't need a mouth to talk. “we're the only ones left dude" he says to Lloyd. “us and that lil pink ball thing. we can like make an alliance and kill it"

Lloyd looks at him. “What happens when it's you or me?”

Juice doesn't give him an answer. He didn't expect one.

* * *

The next night, Lloyd hears Kirby screaming. He dismisses it as a hallucination from his thirsty, hungry, sleep-deprived and stressed mind and goes back to sleep.

“lloyd" Juice says to him the next day. “i killed him. we're the only goddamn ones left”

Lloyd’s corpse froze into the fetal position overnight, Juice realizes.

Juice wins.

**Author's Note:**

> Hunger Games,  
> I wanna win I win it all,  
> I wanna win all day!
> 
> I'm not teaming,  
> I'm not teaming,  
> You should have learned how to play!
> 
> *epic dubstep*
> 
> Decisions...
> 
> One more diamond or an iron sword,  
> I'm searching for food far,  
> Eat it or die,  
> Health bar,  
> Gold apple health regenerate,  
> My rep begins to resonate,  
> Your friends and mates might troll me,  
> But in five kills I'm the president!
> 
> If I want your gear I get it,  
> And I get your friends',  
> Fans see me in the lobby,  
> I should start my own clan,  
> Yo they love to see me team,  
> But all I do is slay,  
> In every Hunger Games,  
> Man, you should have learned to play,  
> HA!
> 
> *more epic dubstep*
> 
> Hunger Games,  
> I wanna win I win it all,  
> I wanna win all day!
> 
> I'm not teaming,  
> I'm not teaming,  
> You should have learned how to play!
> 
> Yes I win it all,  
> So I win it all,  
> I wanna win all day,  
> I'm not teaming,  
> I'm not teaming,  
> YOU SHOULD HAVE SEEN MY LAST HUNGER GAMES!
> 
> Hunger Games,  
> I wanna win I win it all,  
> I wanna win all day,  
> I'm not teaming,   
> I'm not teaming,  
> You should have learned how to play...


End file.
